Kingdom Hearts Q&A
by oblivionkeeper23
Summary: Interviewing all of your favorite characters from the best game on the planet, Kingdom Hearts! Ok, I suck at summaries. Read and review, please! Rating may go up.
1. Chapter 1

_Thanks to Hog s head and Oathkeeper 13 for question ideas_.

Q: How does your hair always stick up like that?

A:Doesn't your hair stick up this way? (No...it doesn't...Sora: oh...)

Q: Are you hyperactive because you have ADD?

A: Hypa- what now?

Q: Why are your shoes so big?

A: I got them from candy mountain(Riku: you do know there's no such thing as candy mountain, right? Sora: SHUN THE NON BELIEVER! SHUN SHUN!)

Q: Doesn't it bother you that everyone, even your nobody, has a personalized keyblade except for you?

A: Per...suna...lies- What?

Q: Are you yaoi?

A: What's yaoi? (It means gay) Oh, yes I'm very happy, so of course I'm yaoi! (Riku: don't say it out loud, Sora...)

Q: When you leave the island, and look for your friends, don't you even care about your family who might be missing you and thinking you were dead?

A: No... am I supposed to?

Q: When are you and Kairi announcing your engagment?

Roxas: He's gay, remember? Sora: Yeah, I don't need a girl to torture me when I'm yaoi-happiness Roxas&Riku: *giggle*

Q:Did you ever go to school?

A:What the heck is school?

Q: Do you sleep with a teddy bear?

A: Yes, doesn't everyone?

Q: Can I have a hug?

A: Yay, hug!

Q: Do you love your mom?

A: Apparently not, I leave the island not caring about my parents.

Q: How do you do all those aerodynamic stunts without hurting yourself?

A: Arrow-dying- STOP USING BIG WORDS!

Q: Is Leon your dad?

A: No, because I care about him.

Q: Do you ever look in the mirror naked and think to yourself, "look at that sexy beast"?

A: Ummmm... no? Riku: I do! Sora: Shut up Riku you're chapter is up next but mine is now so go away!

Q: kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family kill your family

A: ... OK! (ROXAS: facepalm *smack*)

Q: Does it bother you that people ship you with Roxas? Or Riku?

A: No, I like ships. (Roxas & Riku: FACEPALM *SMACK*)  
Q: Do you think Marluxia is gay?

A: Numora was gonna make him a girl [ Marluxia: ),:

Question of the day:

**What would you say if you knew that there was another organization XIII that will one day be coming to tear your Heart to shreds? (AH HA HA HA HA!)**

**A: *sweatdrop* Ummm... *wets pants* Ummmm...**

**(Runs away screaming like a little girl)**

*** And there you have it, folks! If you like it tell me and I'll make more. If you don't then tell me how I can make it better. Questions, comments, complaints, ideas, put them all in the little box below***


	2. Ventus

Q: You do know that there's a more convenient way to use a keyblade than striking with the handle, right?

A: SHUN THE NON BELIEVER SHUN SHUN! (Sora: hey! He stole my line!)

Q: What made you go inside Sora?

A: (points to Vanitas) That guy. (Vanitas: heheh, he's inside Sora. Ven: Shut up,Vanitas , you're not supposed to be here! Vani: Yeah, that's what she said. Riku: Hey, I thought that this chapter was supposed to be about me! Riku Fangirls: THERE HE IS! GET HIM! *fangirl mob*)

Q: Do you stalk Terra?

A: That's a normal thing for best friends to do, isn't it? (Axel: Yeah, it's TOTALLY usual to stalk your best friend. Roxas: *sigh* And you see why there is so much AkuRoku stories)

Q: Can I have a hug?

A: SURE, DEFINITELY!

Q:Why do you look so much like Roxas? Are you brothers or something?

A: No, we have our hair done at the same place.

Q: Why is love so hard to find?

A: Really? Another Jeese McCartney joke- that's so clique, I mean they were funny at first but now they're starting to get old- What? Oh, you weren't referencing Jeese McCartney? Oh...

Q: Do you smoke?

A: ... What?

Q: Do you drink?

A: Whoa, whoa, what?

Q: Do you sniff paint?

A: I don't do drugs! I swear!

Q:Are you sure?

A: YES! I'M CLEAN, MAN!

Q: You sure you're sure?

A: I'm not a drug user!

Q: That's exactly what a drug user would say.

A: What? Who's asking these questions? (Author: Vanitas, I think you can stop now. Vani: No! It's fun! A: Yeah, that's what she said. )

Q: When you lost your memories and became Master Eraqus's pupil, did you forget how to do simple things like eating, bathing, and dressing?

A: Yeah, but Master Xehanort helped me with that. Yeah, with eating and bath- (realizes what has happened) OMG! XEHANORT BATHED AND DRESSED ME! *gets scared* Xehanort: Heheheh...

Question of the day!

**Not to be stereotypical or anything, but you kinda look like an elf. Yeah, with the pointy shoes, and, come to think about it, you're very fond of green, and-**

**A: ZELDA! HE'S ONTO US! (Zelda hits you with a frying pan, puts your unconscious body in a bag, and carries you off muttering, "They never check for bodies under trees..."**

_****Ummm...Ok! Super special awesome thanks to Paranorm04 and YamiYugi4ever for question ideas._

_Three special steps to quicken the pace of the next chapter:_

_Three special steps, that's all you need, three special steps, and you'll succeed,_

_Your special assignment is starting now, and three special steps will show you how_

_STEP 1: CLICK THE BOX ON THE BOTTOM OF THIS SCREEN_

_STEP 2: TYPE DOWN WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS CHAPTER_

_STEP 3: CLICK THE 'POST REVIEW AS... ' BUTTON!_

_Three special steps, so now you know, three special steps and you're ready to go! The checklist has all the steps you need, just follow them all and you will succeed,_

_WITH THREE SPECIAL STEPS!_

_(Bonus points for whoever knows what I'm referencing)_


	3. Roxas

Q: Who do you love? Xion, Namine, Ollette, Axel, Demyx, Kairi, Hayner, Pence, Ventus, or Sora?

A: Hold on, slow down a little! (Vanitas: Damn, you have a lot of bitches, Roxas.)

Q: So? Who is it?

A: I- (Xion, Namine, Ollette, Axel, Kairi, Hayner, Pence, Ventus, Sora, and some random fangirl(Demyx was too lazy to show): Yeah, Roxas, WHO IS IT?!) Roxas: Ah, um, uh... ( Doesn't wanna upset anyone and doesn't want crush to know) Umm... Next question, please?

Q: Can I have a hug?

A: Um... Sure, I guess...

Q: How is having two keyblades different than using one?

A: Well, the keyblades are lighter, so you can carry them both, and you kill more heartless that way, but sometimes you trip.(Trip?) Fall on your face. There's a two-minute video clip on the scene where I'm fighting the neoshadows... and there's a two-hour clip with the bloopers, where I fall and trip and almost die. (Riku: it's quite hilarious. The heartless and I are acting the scene perfectly, while Roxas is tripping all over the place. Especially the scene where he jumps on the building. Roxas: ITS NOT FUNNY! I HAD TO GO TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM _FOUR TIMES_ BECAUSE OF THAT SCENE!)

Q: If you didn't like Axel stalking you then why didn't you just beat him up or fight him or tell him to stop it?

A: (Looks at Axel, cracks knuckles) Good question... Axel: Roxas? What are you doing? No, stop! I thought you loved me!

(Later..)

Q: How's your addiction to sea-salt ice cream?

A: I'm not addicted to- ( ice cream truck song in background, Roxas runs out the room, yelling,"IIIIIICE CREEEAAAAM!")

Q: Will you start answering the questions if I buy you an ice cream?

A: ... maybe...

(50 munny later...)

Q: You know, you were in the Organization for 358 days. Then you were in DiZ's computer for 7 more days. 358+7=365. If you do the math, you died on your birthday.

A:...WHAT?! THAT JERK! DOESN'T EVEN GET ME A CAKE, NO, JUST, "Get in Sora, bitch" GRR! THAT DOUCHE BAG!

WORST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVER!

Q: So, if you're Sora's 'Shadow Clone' does that mean that Sora is a ninja?

A: Huh? How could he...Oh, I get it! That's funny! (Author: Shame on you if you don't get this reference!)

Q: Does technology offend you?

A: No, DiZ offends me with technology. (DiZ: What? What did I do? Roxas: You're a little basturd, aren't you?)

Q: Do you want a pillow pet?

A:What the hell is a- Axel: Its a pillow! It's a pet! ITS A PILLOW PET! Roxas: ... riiiight...

**Question of the day! (Congratulations to Guardianofartbravery for thinking up the QOTD)**

**If you, Axel, Xion, Namine, Sora, and your friends from twilight town were all blindfolded and trapped about to die and you could only save three of the five entries which would you save?**

**A: Myself, Xion, and Sora (Axel, Namine, Ollette, Pence, and Hayner smack him) Well, (points to twilight town gang) you three aren't even my friends, just fakes from DiZ, you (points to Namine) you said I was never supposed to exist, and that hurt, Namine. It really did. As for you, (Axel) ...No Just no.**

*** Thanks to PaRAnorm 04,supersexyghotmew95, and Guardianofartbravery for question ideas. I had a lot about Roxas's relationships, and I tried to mix them all together in the first question. I hope you like this chapter. For a limited time, anyone who reviews this story gets a free virtual bag of m&ms (as my friend April says, they're internetically delicious!) And for the first 5 reviewers, shipping is free! Don't wait! Review today!

Q: Guardian of art bravery is your biggest fan, Roxas.

A: ...Ok...


	4. Axel

Thank you to over 50 viewers, who have given us enough funding (jk, not really) to buy our own studio and ditch the keyboard-based dialogue. Here's your host: Me!

"Thank you, Thank you! It has come to my attention that rules are being broken by this story. So, we will start using real-ish dialogue in our stories. That way, we aren't breaking any rules. I'll convert the other chapters to this dialogue... later. Not right now. Because it's Independence Day. On that note...

"Happy 4th of July, Americans. I made you this chapter, as a present. For those of you you who aren't American, here's a present anyway! I like giving random people presents!

"And here's our guest. Put your hands together for...

"AXEL!"

Fangirls squeal from outside the studio. "We love you Axel!" "I'm your biggest fan!" "Gimme your autograph!" "I want to have your baby!"

Axel blows a kiss in the direction of the Fangirls, and all of them swoon.

"Ok, first question, Axel. Or, should I call you Lea?"

Words appear on the screen,

**Does it bother you that most female Kingdom Hearts fans would kill a man just to look at you?**

"No, not really, seeing that out of all the characters in KH, I'm the one with the most fangirls."

Riku, Roxas, Vanitas, and Terra show up on the screen. "AS IF!"

"...And surprise guest stars... Err..Next question, please," I say, awkwardly.

**How much hair gel do you use in a day?**

"None. My hair is naturally this way." Axel mused. "Yeah, right!" Roxas said from the screen. "He took up 4 hours in the morning to spike his hair. We had to get Larxene to get him out of there!"

"Judging from his spikes I'd guess 12 ounces." Terra added.

"SHUT UP!"

**Where did you get your tattoos from?**

" *sigh* It was a prank gone horribly, horribly wrong..."

**Are you related to Reno from Final Fantasy VII?**

"Reno? He's my stunt double."

**Does it depress you that everyone else has blue eyes, while you have green ones?**

By now the fangirls had woken up. "It makes me even more unique as a character." Upon Heaton this, the fangirls swoon again.

**What do you think of Katniss Everdeen?**

"Oh, please, I'M the girl on fire!" Heheh, he just called himself a girl, Vanitas thought to himself.

**Have you realized that you have killed or have caused death to all the other members that went to Castle Oblivion with you?**

"Meh. They all had it coming.

**Do you still have your keyblade from 3ds? Can we see it?**

Axel summons his Keyblade, badassity and all, causing the fangirls who had just woken up to swoon again. "Sexy, right? This is the biggest achievement in my life,"

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Please. I have two of them."

Vanitas rolled his eyes. "Please. I have a million of them."

**Why do you say 'Got it memorized' a lot?**

"He plays Brain academy too much." Roxas answered.

**What were you and Isa gonna do in BBS?**

Vanitas rose his eyebrows in a suggestive way. "What- No! You're gross!" Axel exclaims.

"No, besides, he likes the blonds more," Vanitas says, looking directly at Roxas.

"Which brings us to our **question of the day!"**

**Are you gay with Roxas?**

"What, an anime guy that has a guy best friend isn't proof that he's gay.

"Yeah!" Says Riku, Terra, Roxas, and Naruto (?) At the same time.

"Yes it is." Vanitas smartassed.

"SHUT UP!" The former group yelled.

I, having a sweatdrop, say "Ok, time to go now. Say bye, Axel!"

The fangirls slowly wake up. "Bye, girls. I'm straight and SINGLE, got it memorized?"

The fangirls swoon again.

_How do you like this? At least this way I'm not in trouble- ok, I'll admit it, I hate this format, I miss my Q&A! But you tell me, should my next chapter have this or that format? Review today!_

_No flames! Except for you, Axel._

_**Guardianofartbravery** i**s your biggest fan.**_

"But of course, who isn't my biggest fan?l

Aaaaaand the fangirls are swooning again.


	5. Terra

It's that time again!

Kingdom Hearts Q&A!

Starring your host: Oblivionkeeper!

"Thank you, mysterious voice-over guy! Who's our special guest today?"

Let's see! Today's special star iiiiiiiiiiiisssssssss...

...TERRA!

The crowd cheers as Terra enters the stage. "Thank you, happy to be here, folks!" He sits down on his special hot seat as I begin the show.

"Ok, question number one..."

**Do you play with dolls?**

"What? No, of course not! I don't-"

**Do you play with action figures?**

"...maybe..."

**Dear Ryan,**

**Can you do a basketball trick shot?**

"...Excuse me? My name is not Ryan, my name is-"

**Dear Ryan,**

**Can you do Epic Meal time?**

"No, I said my name is-"

**What is Ventus to you?**

"Well, I don't like him-"

Ventus enters the stage. "You-you don't like me?"

"Oh, I do but-"

Vanitas enters the stage " Heheh, Terra's gay."

"No, I'm not gay!"

Sora enters the stage "Aw, what's wrong, Terra? Do you need a hug?"

"No, I- next question, please."

**Dear Ryan,**

**Can you be a lamp?**

"No, I can't! I am not Ryan!"

**Do you LIKE LIKE Aqua ^^?**

"Uhhhh, noooo..."

Ventus gasps "You don't like Aqua, either? It must be the darkness talking!"

"No, I-"

**Did you think Xehanort was a creep before you knew he was a master?**

"I thought he was a pedophile."

"I don't think he's a pedophile." Vanitas says. "... I know he's a pedophile."

**Dear Ryan,**

**Can you be a superhero?**

"Yes, but I'm not-"

**Dear Ryan,**

**Can you be a weather girl?**

""No, I'm not-"

**Dear Ryan**

**Can you do the world a big favor by jumping off a cliff and stop posting these stupid mother f*** ng videoes?**

"...Excuse me?"

"Its **Question of the day!** Time!" I say cheerfully.

**Dear Ryan,**

**Can you-**

"NO! NO I CANNOT! I AM NOT RYAN I DON'T KNOW WHO THIS FUCKING RYAN IS! STOP CALLING ME RYAN!" Terra screamed as he throws his chair at the screen.

**We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by.**

_*** Hey guys, this might be the last time I update on my stories for awhile, and that's because my mommy is being deployed to Afghanistan tomorrow. If you could send a prayer for her, that'd be great._

_Review this story and your question might be on the next video._

_Terra: wait, wha-_

**_TEEHEE!_**


	6. Vanitas

**Welcome, to Kingdom Hearts Q& A! I'm the creepy voice-over guy, and here's your host, Oblivionkeeper!**

I appear on stage. "Hello, faithful viewers, for over 20 reviews! Who's our special guest today, Creepy Voice-over Guy?"

**Iiiiiiiitttttttttt'ssssssssss**...

At that moment my phone rings. "One sec, Voice-over. Moshi, moshi? Oh... Oh, I see... No, it's ok, just send him in... YES, carry him! Get some staff members to help, they're not doing anything!... Ok, love ya, bye." I hang up my phone. "Ok, continue."

**Iiiiiiiitttttttttt'ssssssssss**... (curtain opens to reveal someone tied up in a chair, whom my agent and some staff had to- yeah...)

VANITAS!

"OK, SERIOUSLY, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GAG HIM? HOW IS HE GONNA ANSWER QUESTIONS IF HE CAN'T TALK?"

"MMMM-MMMM!"

"Jesus, do I have to do everything around here?" I complain as I ungag Vanitas. Immediately he starts cussing out everyone. So much, the editors had to bleep him out.

"YOU ***** LITTLE**** ****! I'm gonna **** murder **** you in your ****** sleep with a ***** ******** ******* ! I'm going to ****** stab you in the ***** and cut off your ******* and ***** shove it up your *******wife's ****** ! And then ***** *** your children and then *** **** so then you'll ***** have to *****with doctor supervision! ************************************************** *¡"

"Oh, so that's why they gagged him..." (while I was writing this scene, Carmeldansen came up on Pandora...)

"Mind answering some questions for us?"

"**** NO! ******WHY AM I- AM I BEING BLEEPED OUT? THOSE ******* !"(now "Hey there, Delilah" is on...)

"You're not getting out of that chair until you answer all the questions."

"Grrr, FINE! But make them stop **** bleeping me out."

"Ok, then, question number one!"

**Why do you always wear a mask? Did you get burned by acid or something like that?**

"No, I just find that they're terribly comfortable. I imagine in the future everyone will be wearing them."

**Is Xehanort an abusive master?**

"Physically, yes. Verbally, yes. Mentally-"

"How can someone be mentally abusive?"

"Telepathy. Sexually, no."

"Why is that?"

"I threatened to kill him if he ever pulled anything like that."

"Its true!" An old man's voice called from the audience.

"Shut the **** up- God **** it why am I being bleeped again?"

**Did you really just want the X-blade? Or did you just want to join back with Ventus to escape the dark future ahead of you? Don't lie! I KNOW YOUR PAST! O_O**

"Oh, great, they read the novel from the internet and they think they're geniuses. Damn fan translators."

**Do you like Ventus?**

"No, he is a blond retard and I am not yaoi."

"Of course, you're not! You're evil, and- OH, look, a butterfly!" Sora called from the audience.(keep in mind, people, he still thinks that yaoi means happy)

**Do you like Terra?**

"No, I do not like anyone."

D**o you like Namine?**

"No, I do not like anyone!"

**Do you like Xion?**

"NO! I DO NOT FEEL SUCH FOOLISH EMOTIONS!"

**Do you like Aqua?**

"...

...

... Shut the fuck up- hey, I'm not bleeped out anymore!"

**How old were you when you were extracted from Ventus?**

"Um, 0? That was when I was born." (Duh.)

**Can I have a hug?**

"Fuck you."

**Watch how you answer that question, I know Tae-kwon-do and gymnastics and fencing so I can kill you if I want.**

"... Bitch I have a million keyblades."

**Are you Sora's alternate dimensional brother?**

"No, just...no..."

**Are you the emo version of Sora?**

"I prefer the term 'gothic', and no."

**Are you the Asain version of Sora?**

"REALLY? ALL OF US ARE FUCKING ASIAN!"

"Except for Luxord. Luxord' s a Brit."

"I AM BLOODY NOT!"

**How do you make things fly?! Like those keyblades?**

"Because I'm awesome."

**Do you breed Yoshis?**

"...no?"

**What's the worst insult ever?**

"I'm gonna kick your ass so hard, you'll think you're on your period, but of course you're not, because you're on menopause."

"Ohhhhh...BUUURN!"

**If you make unversed out of your negative emotions, do you make them out of your positive emotions, too?**

"Unversed! I completely forgot!" He summons one and commands it to untie him, while I answer the question. "Actually, my newest fanfiction, The Little Unversed That Could, is about that. Unless you're a jerk you would read it after this chapter."

**QUESTION OF THE DAY-**

"DON'T CARE, LATER, BITCHES!" Vanitas called as he ran off.

" No, wait, you're supposed to- God **** It...

"Did I just get BLEEPED OUT?"

**Anyway, that concludes the sixth chapter of Kh Q&A. Tune in next time to see if Xemnas likes waffles!**


	7. Xemnas

**IT'S TIME FOR KINGDOM HEARTS Q&A! HERE'S YOUR HOST, OBLIVIONKEEPER!**

"Who's our special guest today?"

**LET'S SEE!**

**THE LEADER OF ORGANIZATION XIII AND THE MAIN ANTAGONIST'S NOBODY! SECRET BOSS OF KINGDOM HEARTS ONE AND FINAL BOSS OF KINGDOM HEARTS TWO AND DREAM DROP DISTANCE (sort of...) ! IIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT'SSSSSSSSS...**

The curtain draws,revealing- **XEMNAS!**

Xemnas takes his spot on the hot seat, and the show starts.

"Hey, Xemnas, how are you doing?"

"Enough formalities," he replies.(Luxord: "Hey, that's my line- *hic!*") "I am here to answer questions, and only that."

"Damn, killjoy much.." I mutter. "Well, anyway, let the questioning commence!"

**Why do you always use big words?**

"The consumers of our entertainment goods are duty-bound to have a vivid vocabulary previous to-"

I interrupt him. "Stop. Just... Stop. I've already had to look up, like 7 words. Seriously, next question."

**Why is your voice so deep?**

"Well, there are multiple theories about the pitch the vocal cords, one being about the length of your-"

"Please, Xemnas, let's keep this T rated!"

**Why...do...you...talk...so...slowly...?**

"Ok, no more questions about Xemnas's speech patterns."

**Awww. :(**

"But oblivion, I don't mind-"

"I DO! NEXT F****ing quest- YOU DID NOT JUST f******ing BLEEP ME OUT!"

**Can I have a hug?**

"..."

"*sweatdrop*"

**Do you know your... nickname?**

"Nickname?"

"What nick- OH! (Hehehee!)"

"I am not aware of this title. What is it?"

"Hehehee! I'm not telling!"

"But-"

**YOU ARE A COW!**

"..What?"

**Don't question it, now say moo!**

"Don't be a fool. I would never-"

From the audience: " Do it, Mansex!"

"Shut up, Ansem! You're just jealous because I have more bitches than you!"

**Do you like Saix?**

"I am a nobody. I have no feelings."

**Bullshit! Nobodies can have hearts! You said so yourself in 3ds!**

"... shut the fuck up."

**Do you like waffles?**

"...

...

...What?"

**Do you like pancakes?**

"...I don't-"

**Do you like French Toast?**

( T.T ) "..."

**DO-DO-DO-DO CAN'T WAIT TO GET A MOUTHFUL, WAFFLES! WAFFLES!**

"...right..."

**When you're talking to Aqua's armor, are you being Terra, or...?**

"Yeah, Nomura hasn't answered that yet..."

From the audience: "No, he just rapes Aqua's armor!" (Ansem)

From the audience: "SAY WHAT?" (Aqua)

From the audience: "Well, you know how Xehanort gets his pedophile urges..." (Vanitas)

From the audience:"Wha- No, I don't, I-" (Xehanort)

From the audience: "I like poptarts!" (Wtf?)

From the audience: "OLD MAN I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

From the audience: "I'd like to see you try, lesbian."

From the audience: "Oh, sure, I get censored, but the lesbian doesn't."

From the audience: " I'M NOT LESBIAN!

From the audience:"Oh, sure you're not. It's kinda obvious."

From the host's seat: "Please, can we keep this T-rated?"

Everyone: "NO!"

Sad face...

Hey guys,

Sorry it took so long to update, I got grounded :(

To make it up to y'all, I'm gonna update on all my stories super quick! :3

I'm doing a fundraiser, so if you could go to express first .c o m and buy something using the cod 8, it would be great. If I get 60 sales, then I get a tablet with its own wifi, and then I can update on my stories quicker (since, you know, parents).


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